Forgotten like this swing is how i feel right now. I have been off school for about 5 or 4 weeks now and I just want to get back to normal. Its nice being at home and doing school work here but once you have done your work theres nothing else to do, yeah i could watch t.v or read or do some more work but i have done all that so much that i need a break from it all, these things are no longer lucturies they are like chores. I haven't seen any of my friends from school for weeks we have only spoken a few words over MSN and i really miss them all. I know they are busy with school work i wish i was to lol. I just sit and watch everyone move around me living their lives while i just sit at my arm chair in a daze. I have stopped taking my medication and i don't know if its because they make me feel like shit and make the whole situation worse or that being in pain would actually be something to do. Another problem with having all this time to yourself is you start to think about things to much you start to Analyze the smallest little thing like, if someone is annoyed at you when they are perfectly fine or that they are looking at you funny when they're not. i have started to create little voices in my head now as well they drive me crazy. When they get started they don't shut up! Its worse when they start to argue with each other and my voice has become this little small squeeky thing in my head that you can barely hear.
Katrina doesn't help either or my Dad they just make me angry and then the anger doesn't go anywhere so I'm stuck in the chair festering my anger growing. I don't want to be anywhere near my Dad due to fear of what i might do when i see him. Katrina comes into a room and me and Bonnie walk out soon fallowed by Mum and John.
Mum does her best, we got to the shops together and shes always checking up on me and asking if theres anything she can do, if there was i would of done it by now. Richard helps alot to just when he calls its like i come out of my little forgotten slow dead world and communicate with the world for a minute but soon to be placed back in it again. When people come round to the house like Nan or aunty Paula I'm more greatful to see them than Mum is , its someone new, different and normally has something interesting or some gossip to share and again for a little moment i come out of my world and into life again but soon placed back on the shelf.
*Hez*
