I'm quite fed up at the moment and almost lost, i have a very strange sensation going on, I keep getting the shivers, I'm waiting for john to come over, we are suppose to be going out to the local pub for a few drinks then just back to his to listen to music and chill. For some reason going out to the pubs makes me really nervous, I have never really gone out here while being eighteen and its all just making me really nervous for no reason as if I'm not suppose to be there. I have as much right as anyone to be there, its a friday night and I'm eighteen! I feel almost that because i don't see myself or think i look eighteen i therefore think that no one else will think i am or believe me when i show my id or anything. They have before and i have no bloody reason to be worrying!! Its so annoying. 

I'm also worried john wont show up, he is already about twenty minutes late, not that i mind he is always late. lol 

Anyway I'm going to go sit downstairs and relax a bit more hopefully. 

xxx