I'm still at Ryan's, probably boring him to death and making him resort to the hyper and crazy mood he's got himself into. So whats happening at the moment.... hmm.

I'm tyring to get full time at work and book off holidays i have a feeling my boss will say no to both of those. If he does then i am screwed. Hoping to learn to drive soon, but i need money to do that and at the moment anything i have coming in is taken out in seconds and i don't know how!!?!?!?!

Argh! I have to return home tonight and i really don't want too, Things are difficult with Mum at the moment, and i have to go see my talker tomorrow which I'm not looking forward to. Basically at the moment, i can feel myself getting down again and not for the first time, i can't stop it, Its going and will soon be out of control. I don't mind the falling its hitting the ground i hate. It's cold, hard and not very forgiving. People lose respect and any trust in you. Everything and everyone changes.

I want to run away, live further away, a nice comfortable distance from my family, not having to see them or deal with them everyday. I want to escape the people who make my life difficult and so fucking awkward! They dont even do anything to make it that way!!! I just feel it, I feel this way and I can't get out of it!!! I'm sTUCK feeling the same thing and thinking anf acting the same way all the fucking time. My talker gives advice and points out the things to do to change it or show where im going wrong, and its fine when im in there with her but as soon as I'm outside its all gone to fuck!

Nothing matters anymore! Everythings lost, I can't get it back, so what do i have now? If i wanted anything i couldn't get it myself because I'm so fucking pathetic and god i hate being me, trapped inside this head, just a day outside of it would beb fucking fantastic. Just to get out hear a different voice, different thoughts ideas, see and hear different [places and i just want out!!!!

that song before by the way was by paramore, called only exception.

R-A-S-H

Hello,

Argh ok so obviously I'm not writing anything of great interest due to the lack of comments.
Oh well I'm not bothered really, here is a tribute to someone.

When I was younger
I saw my daddy cry
And cursed at the wind
He broke his own heart
And I watched
As he tried to reassemble it

And my momma swore that
She would never let herself forget
And that was the day I promised
I'd never sing of love
If it does not exist

But darlin,
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception

Maybe I know, somewhere
Deep in my soul
That love never lasts
And we've got to find other ways
To make it alone
Or keep a straight face

And I've always lived like this
Keeping a comfortable, distance
And up until now
I had sworn to myself that I'm content
With loneliness

Because none of it was ever worth the risk, but

You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception

I've got a tight grip on reality
But I can't
Let go of what's in front of me here
I know your leaving
In the morning, when you wake up
Leave me with some kind of proof it's not a dream

Oh---

You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception

And I'm on my way to believe in.
Oh, And I'm on my way to believe in.

Friday = Crazy, moody, customers, tuesday= retards.

So, hmm, not much is happening. Work sucks!
I could shouted at by a random old woman today because she couldn't find the jelly ¬¬
I hate CUSTOMERS!

One week until i get paid, i haven't had a cigarette in two days! I'm going crazy. I think mum will be pissed at me once i get home ekk... But i have good new for her so it shouldn't be tooo bad...

I had to see my talker this week with my Dad, he was so sweet at first and through out the whole thing, but it was awkward. We all sat down and Ellen looked at me to start the converstation, or sesion, and i didn't have a clue what to say, It was then i realized i was probably meant to have thought about what to say before the session, instead of trying to ignore it because i was to nervous and worried about it.
Something good did come from it though, I found out my Dad doesn't see me as disappointment, which does mean a lot. It was still rather wierd, it felt like everything was all over the place and although everyone felt things had changed or cleared up, I did get that idea, but it also felt as if it was a waste of time and nothing had changed. Anyway its probably because i was talking and wasn't aware of what i was actually saying and forgot most of the questions i was answering.

Its mum's turn next..... wonder how that will go.

Songs are brilliant, perfect art.
They send signals into your brain which sparks emotions, just words, notes, chords, brilliantly simple and so complicated at the same time. They bring up emotions and memories, they put across atmospheres and moments that you couldn't explain yourself.

I think and i would probably say, thats its the only thing putting signals into my brains, that i enjoy. People confuse me, stress me.

Music is passionate and way more interesting than anything in this world, imagin living in the passionate and dreamer world of music.

i would love to live there.

its got to bet better...... right?