Kidney Thieves

I'm tired.

cold,

Legs are sore.

Argh.

going to revise.

Bye.

x
x
x
x

No one gives a damn about her hair.

I hate this time of the morning, no ones up or around. I feel ill, so i cant go for a run yet. I'm so tired i should be in bed. Last night was a taster of whats to come and i don't know how i am going to deal with it. Hopefully it will all go well and I'm sure i will get used to it. I have to. I have options in the ways to get through it. One of them music and films and thank god for them! I depend on them so much at times its ridiculous.

Argh why is the weather nice during the week when I'm stuck in a bloody class room and then shitty at the weekend when i have time to spare!Annoying!! £*&$"£$&"

I have been trying to write lyrics for a song for months but i haven't got anything decent yet, I'm not even sure what i want to write about. I have a plan in place though. Need to find a topic and monitor it for a few weeks write a post about it and use that to turn it into a song. I don't know why i want to do this but i just got the idea into my head while listening to really well worded and brilliant music. I just want to write one song at least that's perfect to me :) Good accomplishment, if i manage it.

Anyway this week i start my strict studying regime, oh fun. I have never followed one of these properly but it is a really awesome plan so i think it will go well. I can't believe i even have a study plan. Normally i just read loads of notes but with things going on this year that are effecting me i need this plan just so i can look at it and know where I'm heading, how much i have done and what i have left to do. At the moment English is a huge concern, its the first exam and we don't get study leave for it irritatingly. I think I'm getting there with it though, that's if i have passed my nabs, if not then I'm screwed.

Anyway, enough about school i hate it. I prefer doing More active and interesting things that get you outside and learning new things and seeing the world. The idea of being stuck in a office really would drive me up the wall. But if it gets me the money to travel the world and buy the things i enjoy then so be it. Only about four weeks of school left now and seven weeks of studying ahead of me. I like the number seven, its a good number so i think it would be a good week to start for the exams. I know i should of started weeks ago but with the nabs and stuff i have been studying for them which i guess counts.

The Rock concert is this week, got practice for it tonight which i really cant be bothered with. Kind of nervous which is suppose to be a good thing. After tonight and the next few practices I'm sure i wont feel as nervous. I think i am more nervous about the practices than the actual performance, because if i get it wrong then and never get it right i have little hope for the actual night of the performance. Sure it will be fine..... :P

As you can probably tell i don't have anything specific to write about just the random thoughts that run through my head while I'm typing. One thing that is bothering me is this annoying pencil. Every time we end up in the same area it decides to scribble everywhere and make a scene about it. I wish i could just rub it out, but unfortunately it has friends with pens that i like to use so i can't do much about it, even if they don't think very highly of him. Some are even as annoying as him but they keep it among themselves and to be honest i don't care what any of them think or what the pencil think its just i have a lot going on at the moment with needing to get work done and more serious issues this small simple stupid pencil could never comprehend. Its going to end up alone anyway which shit life i have bets on it giving up and diving head first into a sharpener. Hopefully the day its lead breaks i will be there to look over it just to see the look in the pencils face when it realizes the mistakes its made will make me a very happy person. This pencil oh god how to describe how worthless and horrible this pencil is, will be difficult one day you will meet another pencil similar to this one and then! You will know exactly what i mean, these pencils are doomed from the start, its just up to us to watch them reach the high point in their life and slowly begin to fall, this fall will last for the rest of their lives because they don't have the strength life the rest of us to know what its going bad and to turn around and see where we went wrong, there pencils just live in denial until it is to late, when they think they are at a high point we all know they couldn't get much lower.

They try so hard to be good, they become anything but!

I don't have much to write.

I talked about my granddad the other day in class.

I hear voices in my head drive me nuts,

I want John but i can't have him.

I want to hide away from the world but instead i have to embrace it.

I hate someone so much it makes me shake with anger when i see him.

Instead of listening to music i flick through it really fast until i want to scream then turn it off.

I dream of doing anything to get kicked out of school.

There are things in life i enjoy and when i think about them i smile.

I love the voices in my head and I miss them, I know we have our arguments and they drive me nuts but without them life would be so dull.

I'm never going to be alone, but having other people in my life makes it more fun and less serious, they are a book i can be a main character in. A film where I'm a minor character.

They are someone i can pretend i am for a while, or someone i can lie to and be someone else with for a while.

I feel that the next four months will never end.

If it does will i still be here?

Will i of made it through?

What will i do after?

Will i be allowed the freedom I'm desperate to experience or will life bare its claws down on me and force me into the world i am so desperately trying not to be a part of.

Is my granddad proud or sick to death.

I love the light in the dark, i love the light in the park, i love the train creating the moving light past my window.

I love the other life i lead in my dreams and the feeling of something exciting happening when i wake but i wont ever know what it is only the voices know.

The subconscious controls me and i like it that way. If i ever control it i know everything would be over.

I like to express myself,

I want late night conversations with a bottle of wine each.

I want to get up late in the afternoon drink to much coffee, read news papers in bed together and order so much shit Chinese, Indian and Italian food we can live off it for the rest of the week.

I want to write everything down that's happened to me.

I want to feel strong again.

I want to share.

I'm ready to talk, but will i ever be able to write it all.

Finalise my words.

Is it possible to put it all across with just a simple paper and pen.

I want to sit in the park in silance watching people and only saying a few words.

I want it to rain so hard and fast, that we had been swimming.

I want someone to make me cry.

I need something.

When I'm free will i grab it or run from it.

If i ever lead a normal life 9 to 5 i know i will end it so fast you wouldn't be able to say those meaning less words.

I want to say more than the words so over used.

share something so special it doesn't need to be spoken about just expressed over body movements and eye contact.

I want to....

Photos

It makes sense that it should happen this way.

I walked along the street the other day while waiting for a lift off my aunt. I wasn't sure what way to go and just started walking trying not to think about where i was going, after a couple of minutes i realized the route i was taking and started to wonder if there was a reason i had taken this road. Was it to avoid something on the other road or was it to witness something along this one. I came across this Building it looked like an old Victorian house, The thing was falling apart and when i saw it, i stopped in my tracks. This building was beautiful i loved it the moment i saw it. I'm going to take better pictures of it this weekend if i can get closer.
There are plan to renovate it into something modern and horrible something that hides it true beauty its such a crime.

I have completely lost where i was going with this post. I guess it was just that i am a firm believer of everything happens for a reason. I believe i came acorss this building for a reason, enjoy its beauty before it was renivated, capture it in its best years before it was destroyed. now i just need to name it.