This room is so small and all my stuff is in it and Ryans, it's a bit of a nightmare. Normally it doesn't bother me, but I don't know whats wrong with me lately. I watch TV shows i normally hate and look at how their lives are turning out and where mine is and comparing (which is never good) getting frustrated and completely fed up with everything. I have no friends where i live apart from people i know through Ryan.I'm suppose to be starting college in August if i turn up to the interview which i want to do still but to be honest I'm kind of scared and what if i complete;y suck? I just wish i could find something I'm actually good at and something i can specialise in and say yeah I can kick your ass at this. Its pathetic i know.
I think this all started when someone reminded me at work of someone who i really dislike. I met them a few years ago while living in Annan and they just made me feel like this - - big. They opened the door and i lost my words they had this Ora about them and everyone loved them and they have the life style i could of had did everything better than me and got what ever they wanted. I guess i knew before that i was a bit of a loser but always hoped i would be someone or have at least something more to my name. This person brings out the worst in me and in the end its turned out I'm the bad person and even More of a loser than i initially thought i was and now I'm alone apart from Ryan and family and charlotte in Glasgow. Thats! another thing! This peson is living there, my home no way are they good enough or even appreciatetive anough and argh what am i talking about they have probably made everyone their fall in love with them and think that they are the best thing since sliced bread and have met everyone i knew and turned all them against me.
I' know I'm being stupid but i can't help it i feel like crap and thinking about them today was like a kick in the face when I'm already down. I'm just frustraited because I'm in a job that i can't go any further in because I'm starting college in August which seems like ages away and I'm just wasteing time until then. I have no friends but as everyone says I'm sure I will make friends at college but thats like my summer fucked and Argh. I miss Charlotte its hard getting the money to go up and see her i should be able to in May, and she will have finished her exams by then i think. Anyway the room is a mess again and its only a day later since i last spoke about it.
I think this all started when someone reminded me at work of someone who i really dislike. I met them a few years ago while living in Annan and they just made me feel like this - - big. They opened the door and i lost my words they had this Ora about them and everyone loved them and they have the life style i could of had did everything better than me and got what ever they wanted. I guess i knew before that i was a bit of a loser but always hoped i would be someone or have at least something more to my name. This person brings out the worst in me and in the end its turned out I'm the bad person and even More of a loser than i initially thought i was and now I'm alone apart from Ryan and family and charlotte in Glasgow. Thats! another thing! This peson is living there, my home no way are they good enough or even appreciatetive anough and argh what am i talking about they have probably made everyone their fall in love with them and think that they are the best thing since sliced bread and have met everyone i knew and turned all them against me.
I' know I'm being stupid but i can't help it i feel like crap and thinking about them today was like a kick in the face when I'm already down. I'm just frustraited because I'm in a job that i can't go any further in because I'm starting college in August which seems like ages away and I'm just wasteing time until then. I have no friends but as everyone says I'm sure I will make friends at college but thats like my summer fucked and Argh. I miss Charlotte its hard getting the money to go up and see her i should be able to in May, and she will have finished her exams by then i think. Anyway the room is a mess again and its only a day later since i last spoke about it.
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