Thursday

"You were unusual as a child lets put it that way, you had your own little things going on in your head that no one could ever understand. I remember when we walked along the beach and any time you saw a boat laying upside down you would get really upset. No one knew why." Said my mum on the way to Mac Donald's where we were about to encounter so many flies you wondered if the dead body they were making our food from was in the back.

"you never spoke to anyone apart from me, you just watched, come out with things that people didn't expect or understand" she continued, at this point i was having to my flash backs of memories it was unbelieveable i still can't make sense of many of them. flying at me and hitting me like i was standing in front of someone with a bucket of tennis balls and a racket.

I miss my childhood a lot, wish i had never spoken stayed quiet and like that for ever, innocent deep in thought trying to understand the unknown world around me. Wish it had stayed unknown, everything was taken from me without my permission or me having anyting to do with the process like most children. At the age of ten i had to grow up look after my sister and mum, i had my childhood taken from me, my innocence, dreams and the basic structure of my life.

Now i am such a better person for it though, i have lost so much learned you can't trust anyone, i know most things women at the age of 30 never get to grips with. I don't rely on anyone else I'm in dependant and happy with who i am. I know i come across as angry a lot at the moment because i am but I'm managing to control it again.

I have always been quiet my mother says everyone noticed it i opened up to my grandad but once he died that was it back into the silence again,annoyed my dad a lot mum loved it confused the other mums and said things they never expected purely honest.

I have all these memories i need to made sense of now. Prelims next week i wont do well in. Who care life will turn out well :D I'm going to study the best i can, not good enough you deal with it.

xx
*Darko*