I have asked a few this question lately, i ask myself very rarely, the answer can at times be to much to bare. I don't know about anyone else but i don't know if i ever will be happy. I always believed one day i would be in my dream place in my head i have spent years working on that once i got there everything would be fine. I know this place will never exist, only in my mind but this doesn't mean i have given up on hope or dreams. It's just that i know that this is such a great place that only my imagination could of created. What i know is true is that one day i know i will experience the bliss happiness i feel in my dreams.
It true that everyone always wants something else as soon as they get what they want theres something new to long for dont want any material possessions at the moment apart from a nirvana t shirt and new trainers. Even if i had them it wouldnt make me truely happy i dont know what would make me truely happy apart from getting away from everyone i know with one person, i do know, the only one i would actually enjoy the company of. Escaping my family would be such a cool oppertunity i could just be me and not parts of all of them put into a person. Although living where i do now, gives me this oppertunity, although they are family, there are close enough to have that nice pleasant family happiness with but not to close to drive me up the wall! With living here there is a certain respect and understanding and space, i wouldn't be able to experience with my closer family.
I dont even know what i'm writing anymore this post had so much potential but its gone to pot now. Awesome song, its called the pot by Tool. Brilliant band.
So another relationship has ended and the funny thing is, it was a great relationship yeah he was funny, really good looking, deep, kind, he listened, would do anything for me, had a great job rode a motorcycle, had his own place really nice friends. I even cared about him loads felt a connection like something strong was there with potential. why did i end it you ask?
i have no f**king idea....
I keep meaning to comment here and never get round to it, sorry!
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean about the dream place. Personally I doubt I'll get there for any great length of time, but I'd say that I have felt true happiness and I'm confident I'll feel it again. Just being around people that I love can make me feel so happy I might burst, even when other things going on in the background are rubbish like the current situation of you know who. I don't want this to sound pretentious or as if I'm making out I have things badly, because I don't AT ALL and I know that, but at the moment I'm not even pretending to be happy. In an overall deep sense at the moment I'm not happy at all, but happiness still comes really intensely.
- Anna
I know what you mean and i have also felt moments of extreme happiness but how long do they really last? Few hours Days if your lucky. People talk about finding happiness for the rest of their lives and will they or can they actually do that it is possible. I doubt it and i know its not possible and nor will it happen to me mainly because i don't want it to without shit happening to me i wouldn't be who i am today and I wouldn't be able to gain the happiness i get from coming through in bad situations and coping well with them. Over the 6 years i have found out things i am good at and that is, helping people, getting them through difficult and hard times and giving them the strength they need and myself out through these situations. I knew what i want in my dreams and where i want to go but to be truely happy is not one of them.
ReplyDeleteThanks for commenting :D
I do hope to be happy, but only in a general sense. Of course I'd never wish to be happy all the time - I think it's impossible and I too appreciate getting through bad times and what that's done for me as a person. Hard times are often inspiring as well. What would life be if it was all happiness? Bland. What I hope for is to be able to say that overall I'm happy with my life. I want to create things, surround myself with friends and people that I love, and of course shite things will happen too but they won't stop me from being generally happy. You're right that the intense happiness doesn't last long but I get an afterglow from it - just knowing that I can feel that way and can be made to do so again gives me another kind of less powerful but deeper happiness.
ReplyDeleteFunnily enough, unlike on Thursday, I would now say I DO feel overall happy with my life! But that's because of last night. ;)
By the way, who is the one person? I'm so nosey! :P
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