They try so hard to be good, they become anything but!

I don't have much to write.

I talked about my granddad the other day in class.

I hear voices in my head drive me nuts,

I want John but i can't have him.

I want to hide away from the world but instead i have to embrace it.

I hate someone so much it makes me shake with anger when i see him.

Instead of listening to music i flick through it really fast until i want to scream then turn it off.

I dream of doing anything to get kicked out of school.

There are things in life i enjoy and when i think about them i smile.

I love the voices in my head and I miss them, I know we have our arguments and they drive me nuts but without them life would be so dull.

I'm never going to be alone, but having other people in my life makes it more fun and less serious, they are a book i can be a main character in. A film where I'm a minor character.

They are someone i can pretend i am for a while, or someone i can lie to and be someone else with for a while.

I feel that the next four months will never end.

If it does will i still be here?

Will i of made it through?

What will i do after?

Will i be allowed the freedom I'm desperate to experience or will life bare its claws down on me and force me into the world i am so desperately trying not to be a part of.

Is my granddad proud or sick to death.

I love the light in the dark, i love the light in the park, i love the train creating the moving light past my window.

I love the other life i lead in my dreams and the feeling of something exciting happening when i wake but i wont ever know what it is only the voices know.

The subconscious controls me and i like it that way. If i ever control it i know everything would be over.

I like to express myself,

I want late night conversations with a bottle of wine each.

I want to get up late in the afternoon drink to much coffee, read news papers in bed together and order so much shit Chinese, Indian and Italian food we can live off it for the rest of the week.

I want to write everything down that's happened to me.

I want to feel strong again.

I want to share.

I'm ready to talk, but will i ever be able to write it all.

Finalise my words.

Is it possible to put it all across with just a simple paper and pen.

I want to sit in the park in silance watching people and only saying a few words.

I want it to rain so hard and fast, that we had been swimming.

I want someone to make me cry.

I need something.

When I'm free will i grab it or run from it.

If i ever lead a normal life 9 to 5 i know i will end it so fast you wouldn't be able to say those meaning less words.

I want to say more than the words so over used.

share something so special it doesn't need to be spoken about just expressed over body movements and eye contact.

I want to....