I'm still at Ryan's, probably boring him to death and making him resort to the hyper and crazy mood he's got himself into. So whats happening at the moment.... hmm.

I'm tyring to get full time at work and book off holidays i have a feeling my boss will say no to both of those. If he does then i am screwed. Hoping to learn to drive soon, but i need money to do that and at the moment anything i have coming in is taken out in seconds and i don't know how!!?!?!?!

Argh! I have to return home tonight and i really don't want too, Things are difficult with Mum at the moment, and i have to go see my talker tomorrow which I'm not looking forward to. Basically at the moment, i can feel myself getting down again and not for the first time, i can't stop it, Its going and will soon be out of control. I don't mind the falling its hitting the ground i hate. It's cold, hard and not very forgiving. People lose respect and any trust in you. Everything and everyone changes.

I want to run away, live further away, a nice comfortable distance from my family, not having to see them or deal with them everyday. I want to escape the people who make my life difficult and so fucking awkward! They dont even do anything to make it that way!!! I just feel it, I feel this way and I can't get out of it!!! I'm sTUCK feeling the same thing and thinking anf acting the same way all the fucking time. My talker gives advice and points out the things to do to change it or show where im going wrong, and its fine when im in there with her but as soon as I'm outside its all gone to fuck!

Nothing matters anymore! Everythings lost, I can't get it back, so what do i have now? If i wanted anything i couldn't get it myself because I'm so fucking pathetic and god i hate being me, trapped inside this head, just a day outside of it would beb fucking fantastic. Just to get out hear a different voice, different thoughts ideas, see and hear different [places and i just want out!!!!