The page for writing a post is really uninspiring. Its hard to find inspiration for anything at the moment. The idea of sitting in the garden reading while smoking and drinking some nice wine is pleasant in my head, but as soon as i go to do it, i can't be arsed. All interest is lost i just don't care anymore. I keep thinking and seeing people in the media, news, websites, doing things important and special with their time, becoming known and helpful or use full in something, anything in life, having an impact and then i look at my own life and all i see is empty days pass by. Days full of work, watching movies, TV or listening to music, spending time with Ryan or Charlotte or avoiding going home. All there is is nothing, so there is nothing at all, no all involved, in fact no all even thought about. I guess you could argue well its a life, and yes it is, but whats the use of it? So many other people are doing the same thing there must be more we are put here to do than just that. I cant just accept that as it, as that's all there is and to accept would mean having accepted my life as is and i just can't do that.

I want to do something with my life and why should i have to wait until this happens or for when time is ready. While thinking of something worthwhile to do all i can come up with is the idea of writing my book. I haven't done anything with it for a while. That's the only way i can see myself getting heard, having an impact and something near any kind of good coming out of this life that is supposedly mine. We are 63 days into this year and what have i done with it? nothing i will remember for a long time. Think about how many hours, days, weeks, months are in one persons life time, and how much of it they actually remember? Is that a waste? Why are we given such long lives, with so much in it, when also cursed with such small memories that we can't withhold all the times and moments in life we've experienced.


I started this year content in my job, going out with someone else, spending most time in watching TV with boyfriend and family or online talking to my best friend Charlotte. I was writing a song for a friends college course. By the end of January and the beginning of February, I had left my boyfriend, spending more time with Charlotte and avoiding family. In February i have spent most of the month hanging out with Ryan listening to music, and falling in love again. Sharing thins with someone is special and I'm grateful to have him in my life, reminding me I'm not completely numb. Went to see 30 seconds to Mars and they we bloody brilliant! Saw jarred Leto up close and managed to get Charlotte the autograph of someone she had a crush on. which i was pleased with and obviously she was too.

Argh.

Shut up.