Monday, March 08, 2010

Toooo daa dooo


Hi again.

I'm moving in with my boyfriend. Its very exciting, i think i would be more excited if i felt any strong vibe from him that he is OK with it. It was his and his Mum's suggestion, I'm just worried that now it's all going ahead he wont want it as much. I wonder if he realizes how much of a change its going to make to his life and mine, as well as his mum's. I have packed my stuff to keep it to a minimum but there is still a lot and I'm particular about how i have it layed out. I know there will have to be sacrifices I'm prepared for that, I just wonder if he is and argh just whats going on in his head!?

I miss Charlotte, i dunno why, I think its just hanging out with a good friend i miss. I know i know i have Ryan but that's different we are going out and now and as much as i love spending time with him, so much so that when he is gone for not even two days i don't know what to do with myself. How pathetic. I just miss going to the cinemas or just somewhere to go chill out and say hello. I keep having these dreams were I'm being chased by someone and many people, for about a week now and almost, if not every night. Normally they are after someone i care about such as Ryan, Charlotte my sisters or my Mum. I usually get them away safely and than i have to deal with the people trying to kill us. Its horrible not matter what i do i know in the end i will die. I know I'm dying every night and i don't know what to do, they're getting worse.

Do you ever feel that you are a spectator of your own life, like you watch each day pass but your not quite part of it. I have felt like that for quite a while now, and slowly i believe I'm beginning to come out of it, waking up almost. This is a horrible experience. It causes more panic attacks stress and worry but at the same time I'm still floating so to some extent I'm still chilled inside and almost just don't care anymore. I don't give a damn about anything that i don't see as highly important or worthwhile.

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